closed

Dear mom i've always wanted to travel solo and explore a country, because you rarely get to do that with other people. I want to be responsible for my own decisions and absorb myself in a place for as long as I want. Japan will be my first destination, just because I've always been drawn to it and the past two visits with the family and the school didn't help me learn much about it. I want to breathe the air of the countryside and will save up for summer school, 2015.

6 more weeks left in this room

may we try with broken strings? we've read the ending of the story, there is a deadline. we're near the end and i want to continue reading till this breaks.

but the one who lets go first always has the say.

:(

how ironic that i write less when i have more in there.

please hang on.

feel like my everyday aim is to get my schedule in order, or else everything else will collapse.

I channeled all my emotions into Hana wa Saku, a beautifully sad piece I've never expressed myself that well with until last afternoon (thanks to my mood). Feeling sufficiently satisfied, I tried my luck and my friend (who usually plays the duet with me) came to school within half an hour for an impromptu session - we played the best we ever did. Some parts of the night was spent jamming with two other friends too. 8 hours of music in a day was great, though I still need so much more space from all that is going on in my mind. Don't think anyone will comprehend.

This afternoon I walked off and cracked the phone. Everything went back to square one.

--

Hana wa Saku was produced to build support for Japan's 3.11 earthquake in 2011:

Hana wa Saku (flute and piano duet)

Hana wa Saku (trumpet and Piano duet)

Hana wa Saku (solo)

http://www.nhk.or.jp/japan311/flowers/about.html

Radiohead - Melatonin

Don't forget that you are our son
Now go back to bed

We just know that you are ours
You won't cry too hard

Death to all who stand in your way

Sitting here thinking about my sense of self worth, and how my teacher always reminds us that we live to be in the service of others.

Our value is in what we can contribute to others at different points in time and in vastly differing ways, not just in the simplest sense of what we're capable of achieving. It's time to stop being immersed in our own little worlds.

when there are problems, know that it usually stems from yourself
settle your side of the story before dragging other people in.

Rationalize and Deal.

it feels like loneliness dictates that i have to feel connected with someone, yet I don't know who and how and therefore do not want to. this loneliness is the lack of expression and stems from my feelings of inadequacy and that is that.